Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Top 50 Reasons Why Not to become a Blogger

1.       There is a strong chance no one will read anything you write meaning that you would be better off locking yourself in a dark room and shouting your opinion to yourself.
2.       Unless you are high up in society or an important person then your opinion is completely irrelevant and it doesn’t matter to anyone, even if they read it.
3.       You start a Twitter account
4.       You find out that no one wants to hear about the mundane details of your sad sad life.
5.       You find yourself always looking for ideas and stories that will interest other people.
6.       The internet is unfortunately a place where people can say what they want anonymously so you find it hard to tell the difference between criticism and trolls.
7.       You will slowly start to use the phrase troll for anyone who criticises you.
8.       You decide stealing other people’s photos is too tacky for your blog so you go out and invest in a copy of Photoshop.
9.       You then realise you don’t know how to work it and go out and spend more money on a guide on      how to use Photoshop
10.   You stop using Photoshop
11.   If you get past the first step of blogging and get followers then you start writing posts you don’t enjoy writing but have to be done.
12.   As you get more into it you will slowly start to spend more time blogging for free rather than doing work you actually get paid for.
13.   You start searching for lists on the internet to find topics to blog about until you finally realise that what you are going to blog about is not having anything to blog about.
14.   The more you write, you find yourself slowly spending more and more time on each post making you fall behind on whatever else you have to do in your life, like feeding the children.
15.   You become obsessed with checking your email to see if you have any new followers or comments like a deranged psychopath who needs praise and attention to keep on living.
16.   You install Google Analytics to see how many people visit your site and you depressingly find you’re the only one reading it.
17.   As you get more followers you think about buying your own domain name until you realise the hassle it is and you find your Google Adsense account doesn’t even cover your pen budget.
18.   You then decide that your blog definitely needs a Facebook page because that way more people will be able to follow it.
19.   You realise that only 8 people follow you on Twitter and 10 on Facebook, so you decide to have a little cry.
20.   You then work out that some of your Twitter followers seem to just be people who follow 10, 000 other people so you decide to have a big cry.
21.   You start to think maybe you could make a living from blogging so you then quit your job and decide to sit at home all day.
22.   You slowly start to notice this might not be a good idea because by the third day you find that you have nothing else to write about or have any money to do anything.
23.   You get depressed.
24.   You decide that maybe the way to get ideas is to try some experimental drugs or alcohol.
25.   You become an alcoholic/drug addict.
26.   You go to rehab.
27.   You come out refreshed and ready to start blogging again. While you’ve been away you slowly discover that people are starting to read you blog and you now have some followers.
28.   You slowly work your way through the top one hundred blogging ideas.
29.   You make your own top one hundred blogging ideas.
30.   You have a fight with your parents and girlfriend because they say you are slowly wasting your life away.
31.   You decide to go and get a qualification in journalism because writing for a newspaper is just as good as writing a blog.
32.   You then realise you can’t get a job because of the recession.
33.   You finally get a job writing for a website after you showed them the time and effort you put into your blog and they tell you with a lot of work you could be average.
34.   You find that your editor is a bit of an ass and realise you have no real creative freedom whatsoever.
35.   You find yourself now getting bored writing generic articles which may get lots of readers but are about as fulfilling to write as it is to clean your house.
36.   Your house becomes dirty because cleaning takes too long.
37.   Your house becomes clean because you decide that cleaning your house would have a more positive impact on the world than writing another post.
38.   You decide you are going to start writing on your blog again so you can write what you want.
39.   You realise you don’t know what to write about.
40.   You decide to blog about how to find blogging ideas again when really you are as screwed as every other helpless looser reading your post.
41.   You realise that one of the early blogs you read and followed a few years ago is now a thriving brand.
42.   After reading it again you slowly get more and more bitter about that person and life in general.
43.   You decide to stop following that blog.
44.   You start following the blog again to find out their cheating secrets.
45.   You realise that out of you and all your friends who have real jobs, you are the one earning the least.
46.   You start to comment more on Youtube and on other people’s blogs because you are still convinced that your opinion can make a difference.
47.   You start to post your articles on every website you know in a desperate attempt to some more money.
48.    After three years of blogging you find Your Google Adsense account only adds up to $30.
49.   You then become a troll.
50.   You finally decide to write a list on why not to become a blogger to stop people making the same mistakes that you did but actually want them to so you don’t feel like the only hopeless blogging looser on the face of the earth.

1 comment:

  1. This is so funny,,, so now i have a question for you: what do YOU blog then? (btw i like your blog!)



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